san_fransokyo | @anewangle

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@anewangle

[On bad days, Hiro spent a lot of time on the other side of the room.

Today was one of those days. Even with his brother around again, there's months and months of leftover grief to deal with; months of build-up of hatred for Callaghan and guilt over that one time he'd slipped and turned Baymax into something he shouldn't have been. He hadn't told Tadashi about that yet. He was scared to. He was scared that maybe Callaghan was right and he really did have no respect for his brother or his memory.

Let's hope you grow up to be half the man he was. The man he is, right at the moment, thanks to Krei Tech of all things. Either way, that's a tall order to live up to.

So when he gets home he crawls onto his brother's bed and curls up with his stupid baseball cap and mopes. He tries not to think about it. But over and over the thoughts cycle through his head - half the man he was and no respect for his memory and all the rest of his guilt and doubts.

And he sorta falls asleep like that, eventually, still clutching Tadashi's hat in both hands.]

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[Hiro laughs, at first, because it takes him a second to realize what Tadashi's saying.]

Hey, he learns pretty well on his - wait. [There's a long pause, and Hiro's gaze slides over to his brother's face, searching and a little concerned.] You know about that?

[Hiro remembers the "heart attack" incident pretty clearly, but Tadashi - well. Wasn't there. But he knows about it.

...And if he knows about that, what else does he know about?

More awkward laughter. He rubs the back of his neck.]

What'd you do, spend all day swapping stories with Baymax?

[Tadashi's grin stays in place. He's hasn't done a ton of work with Baymax since his return (dead guys deserve a bit of a break, after all), but he couldn't resist poking around a little. Hiro made a lot of adjustments in his absence, both intentional and unintentional.]

Not all day. I was running some basic diagnostics and I found a few additions to his vocabulary. When Baymax learns new words or phrases, he also notes the context for future reference.

[Gotta use those fancy cameras for something, man. He curls an arm up, motioning for an over-the-shoulder fist bump and laughing a little.]

"Fist bump" was a good addition.

[Hiro sags a little, relieved. He can't help but fist bump back, spreading his fingers wide and imitating the badaladala that usually accompanies Baymax's rendition of the gesture.]

I guess you noticed he added a little bit of his own thing to it, huh?

[And it's only a matter of time before he notices some other things, too. Baymax knew his healthcare protocol was violated at some point, and had adjusted his programming accordingly to prevent it from happening again; even if the diagnostics somehow missed that detail, it'd come up eventually.

Hiro swallows a lump in his throat.]

I uh - there is one thing I need to talk to you about.

[Tadashi opts for the their traditional explosion noise, cutting off part way through to laugh at Hiro's Baymax impression.]

He's got a unique way of processing things, that's for sure.

[Unique enough that even Tadashi can't always predict what he'll do anymore. It's like he's got a mind of his own sometimes.

He tilts his head a bit, spinning his chair again so that he can face Hiro once more, some concern filtering over his features. He hadn't exactly bothered with the most extensive diagnostics with Baymax, not when both robot and little brother seemed to be in good condition. Had he missed something?]

What is it?

Edited (wow me, way to notice a typo twelve hours later) 2014-11-20 22:36 (UTC)

[There's a long silence; Hiro takes a deep breath, wrapping his arms around himself and leaning back against the end of the bed. He averts his eyes, carefully studying the floor. He'd rather Tadashi didn't know at all, but Callaghan's words keep bouncing around in the back of his head. His brother would tell the truth, were the positions reversed.

But then his brother wouldn't have done it in the first place, probably.]

You should probably know now, because you're gonna find it in Baymax's logs eventually, but...when we were looking for the masked man...well. When we found him, actually. I uh...did something I shouldn't have.

[He almost looks to see the expression on Tadashi's face, but doesn't. He's too scared of what he'll find. So instead he just launches into the whole story, spitting it all out as quickly as possible.]

I, I got mad. I wanted him gone. So I took Baymax's healthcare chip out because that was the only thing stopping him from killing Callaghan, and then he wasn't Baymax anymore, he was just a really big weapon, and it was all wrong, and I made a mistake. That's it.

[A pause. Quieter:]

I'm sorry.

[The physical withdraw is more than enough to turn that concern on Tadashi's face into real worry. What could Hiro possibly have done to make him pull away like that? The younger Hamada hadn't looked this uncomfortable when he'd gotten the both of them tossed in jail.

Tadashi's face shifts further as Hiro talks, worry replaced with brief confusion and disbelief, and then dismay.

Hearing about Hiro's original changes to Baymax had been bewildering at first. He'd seen pictures and video of his healthcare companion decked out in armor and flying through the skies as if he'd always been meant to do so. It wasn't anything Tadashi had ever intended for Baymax... but he couldn't help but be amazed. Hiro had done some incredible things in Tadashi's absence, and if they were still helping people, well how could he ever be upset by that? More than once already he'd wondered if Baymax was really his project anymore, but hearing this... His creation turned killing machine and his brother nearly turned murderer, and all for him...

Tadashi's silent for a bit. Not too long, but probably long enough to make Hiro even more uncomfortable than he already was. His voice obviously carries his disappointment when he finally responds, eyebrows furrowed and expression troubled.]

... Baymax can't be a weapon. Ever. And neither can you, no matter how much you hurt. You can't let anger change you.

Do you understand?

Edited 2014-11-21 02:20 (UTC)

[Hiro had expected Tadashi to be upset, but he's not ready for it when it happens. He flinches at his brother's tone; he still can't look at him. He runs hands through his hair, drags them down his face, all nervous energy and guilt and - god, now the feeling of messing up in a big way is as fresh as if it just happened.]

I know, I know, I get it. I screwed up. I just - he didn't care, about what happened to you, and he said it was your mistake, and then I...I dunno. Suddenly I was so mad I only wanted one thing.

[Not so different from Callaghan, in a way. The thought leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.]

...I don't want to be like him. Maybe he was right, though. He's escaped. I saw him, and even after all that I couldn't stop from getting mad. Maybe I'm really not cut out to be anything like you, either.

... Maybe it was my mistake. [A mistake he still can't really regret, but a mistake nonetheless. Tadashi sighs a little and punches Hiro lightly in the shoulder, expression softening as he ducks his head down to try and meet Hiro's eyes.]

But everyone makes mistakes. As long as you remember where you went wrong, you won't make the same mistakes again. [And it's obvious that Hiro won't be forgetting this mistake any time soon. Not with the way it's apparently been weighing on him.]

Anger isn't wrong unless you turn it on another person. [A sad sort of smile.] You won't be like him, but you don't have to be like me either. Just be Hiro.

[Reluctantly, Hiro makes eye contact with his brother, offering him a half-hearted smile he doesn't really feel. He thinks, maybe, that Tadashi's too forgiving.]

Yeah, well, Hiro's maybe not the best at making decisions. I dunno if I trust that guy's judgement, especially where Callaghan's concerned. [He kicks his feet and drops his eyes to the floor.] But if it's any consolation, he wants to do the right thing this time.

[A beat.] You don't act all that surprised to find out he escaped.

[Too forgiving? Man, you ain't seen nothin' yet. Tadashi smiles, fuller this time, and without that sad edge. Don't look so upset, little bro. Tadashi hates to see you upset.]

Hiro is only fourteen years old. I think he's got plenty of time to figure things out, and good intentions can go a long way.

[He hesitates after that, looking away and wondering for a moment if he should keep his meeting with Callaghan to himself, but there's little point in that. He's not in the habit of keeping things from Hiro.]

I, uh... I ran into him.

[It's Hiro's turn to flash a look of concern at his brother, glancing up and down to make sure he hasn't missed anything; that Tadashi's still in one piece and not any worse for the wear after the encounter.]

You ran into him.

[His expression turns stiff, his mouth drawn into a hard line. So maybe he's sworn not to repeat the same mistake of turning Baymax into a killing machine, but still, he's no love lost for Callaghan. As far as Hiro's concerned, Callaghan wouldn't hesitate to let his brother die a second time if it came to that again.]

You're okay, right? He didn't hurt you or anything?

[Tadashi's smile drains away until it's little more than a small upturn of one corner of his mouth, and he spreads his arms to each side for a moment as if presenting himself for inspection. Not a scratch on him.]

I'm fine. We just talked.

[Okay, maybe that's not completely true...]

... I may have punched him once.

[That...okay, that one takes him a couple of seconds. Not just because he's still glancing Tadashi over to make absolutely sure he's fine, but because the idea of Tadashi punching anybody is about as believable as Baymax kicking puppies.]

You - what? [He stares at Tadashi for a really long, uncomfortable moment, and then he laughs.] You did not. You're pulling my leg.

...You punched him?

[Laugh it up, Hiro, because Tadashi doesn't look all that amused with himself. Looking closer to shame, actually He scrubs a hand over his face, obviously reluctant to confirm what he's already said.]

... Yeah. I shouldn't have, though. I was angry. [Very angry, and understandably so, but that's no excuse for lashing out like he did.]

[Hiro trails off laughing, watching his brother's face. He knows that feel, bro, but he hates to see you feeling it.]

...Everyone makes mistakes, right? You, of all people, shouldn't feel so bad over something like that.

[He purses his lips and ducks down so he can actually look Tadashi in the eye, placing a hand on the arms of the chair on either side of him.]

You're like, the nicest person I know. So you punched a guy. You also...you died trying to save his life. So.

[Man, Tadashi's not used to being on the other end of this kind of conversation. He meets Hiro's eyes with zero hesitation, taking some comfort in hearing his own words reflected right back at him.]

You're right.

[Less comforting is hearing yet another outright confirmation of his own death. It's not as if Tadashi's in denial, far from it, but it's still jarring to hear it stated so plainly. He wills a smile back, though.]

I still feel bad.

[Hiro puffs out his cheeks, frustrated. Bro, he loves you, but you really are way too nice for your own good.

He's already seen just how bad the consequences of that can get.]

But why? Why are you the one who has to feel bad? He doesn't! [He throws his hands up. He's trying his hardest to be better, to respect his brother's wishes, so he's not gonna try and kill the guy if he can help it, but that doesn't mean he likes Callaghan. Or that he can forgive him.] I bet you, if you got in his way, he wouldn't hesitate to let you die again. Or do it himself.

[Hiro's a little more selfish now where his brother's concerned. If he had a second chance, he knows this time he wouldn't let go of Tadashi's arm and let him run into another burning building.]

I don't...want anything to happen to you. Not again.

[Oh... Tadashi fixes Hiro with a soft sort of look. That parental one that appears whenever he's getting ready to try and explain something delicate.]

I'm not saying that he shouldn't, but that doesn't change the fact that I did something I regret.

[Reaching out to snag one of Hiro's sleeves before he can make any more frustrated motions, following up by standing and pulling the boy into a gentle, but solid hug.]

He's not going to hurt me, Hiro. I'm not going anywhere.

Edited (good html, self) 2014-11-23 04:02 (UTC)

[Hiro starts to protest that Callaghan probably deserved it, but Tadashi doesn't give him the chance, tugging him forward by his sleeve and...oh.

He blinks a couple of times, not sure how to react. Tadashi's the one who's usually more openly affectionate and he's...not so much. There's a couple of stubborn seconds where he stands there stiffly, and then he huffs quietly and sags against Tadashi, resting his forehead against his chest.

He feels really small, like this.]

...Don't. Please. I can't deal with that again.

[Tadashi sighs quietly, giving Hiro a reassuring squeeze and patting at that fluffy hair in what he hopes is a reassuring way. Hiro's always been a tough kid. Not always as tough as he tries to seem, though. He's still only fourteen, still so small in so many ways, and yet so grown up in others, and though he doesn't want to, Tadashi can't help but think about what things must've been like for his little brother. He can't even imagine how he would've coped had he been the one in Hiro's place. The thought of a life without Hiro in it... it's a nightmare.]

I never meant to leave in the first place. I'm sorry.

[Sometimes, Hiro isn't all that tough at all. He tries to act like it; fighting off tears, biting back complaints, shrugging and acting like it's no big deal. Even now, there's hardly any evidence to suggest he might be in a more vulnerable state than he tries to pretend.

Just a soft exhale.

Just a slight tremble of narrow shoulders, as he reaches up to thread his fingers in Tadashi's shirt and tug childishly, looking up at him.]

Promise me you'll take better care of yourself this time? Don't do anything crazy. [A beat.] Be a little more selfish, with your own safety.

Edited 2014-11-24 04:53 (UTC)

[That's both a good and bad thing about having a brother like Tadashi. Hiro doesn't have to result to dramatics to draw attention to his distress, because Tadashi can see it from a mile away. He's always been able to. That little sigh and light tugging might as well be screams from the rooftops.]

Well I can't promise I won't do anything "crazy". [The implied finger quotes are fairly obvious, tone just a little bit teasing, but only for a moment. He doesn't want Hiro to think he's not taking him seriously.] But I'm not going to leave you alone again if I can help it.

You're stuck with me, buddy.

[Hiro laughs softly, untangling his fingers from Tadashi's shirt and trying to act like it didn't happen at all. He backs up, giving his brother a little space, rubbing his arms awkwardly. But he smiles.]

I can deal with that. But I'm taking you to the vet to get microchipped, or something, so you can't wander off and get lost. [A beat.] Maybe you get some armor, too. Just in case.

[Smooth, Hiro. Smooth.]

Pretty sure that of the two of us, you're the one more likely to wander off and get into trouble, bonehead. [Tadashi attempts an offended expression (not even a human doctor? Really?), but he fails pretty hard at hiding his smile as he drops back into his chair.]

Trying to make me into a super hero, too? Or maybe you just want see me embarrass myself by wearing tights in public...

[Shush, Tadashi, like the pants you normally wear aren't already hella tight.]

Please, like you're not practically wearing tights in public already, Mr. Skinny Pants.

[He leans back against the bed, grinning a smug sort of grin, with just a warm undercurrent of gosh, I missed having stupid conversations like this. He doesn't feel as bad about falling asleep in his brother's bed as he might have.]

I mean...technically it's for protection, but if you really want tights, I could probably make arrangements...you want tights. Bulletproof tights? I could do that.

Edited 2014-11-25 04:44 (UTC)

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