@anewangle

[bigdamnhiro]

[On bad days, Hiro spent a lot of time on the other side of the room.

Today was one of those days. Even with his brother around again, there's months and months of leftover grief to deal with; months of build-up of hatred for Callaghan and guilt over that one time he'd slipped and turned Baymax into something he shouldn't have been. He hadn't told Tadashi about that yet. He was scared to. He was scared that maybe Callaghan was right and he really did have no respect for his brother or his memory.

Let's hope you grow up to be half the man he was. The man he is, right at the moment, thanks to Krei Tech of all things. Either way, that's a tall order to live up to.

So when he gets home he crawls onto his brother's bed and curls up with his stupid baseball cap and mopes. He tries not to think about it. But over and over the thoughts cycle through his head - half the man he was and no respect for his memory and all the rest of his guilt and doubts.

And he sorta falls asleep like that, eventually, still clutching Tadashi's hat in both hands.]

Comments

[anewangle]

[Too forgiving? Man, you ain't seen nothin' yet. Tadashi smiles, fuller this time, and without that sad edge. Don't look so upset, little bro. Tadashi hates to see you upset.]

Hiro is only fourteen years old. I think he's got plenty of time to figure things out, and good intentions can go a long way.

[He hesitates after that, looking away and wondering for a moment if he should keep his meeting with Callaghan to himself, but there's little point in that. He's not in the habit of keeping things from Hiro.]

I, uh... I ran into him.

[bigdamnhiro]

[It's Hiro's turn to flash a look of concern at his brother, glancing up and down to make sure he hasn't missed anything; that Tadashi's still in one piece and not any worse for the wear after the encounter.]

You ran into him.

[His expression turns stiff, his mouth drawn into a hard line. So maybe he's sworn not to repeat the same mistake of turning Baymax into a killing machine, but still, he's no love lost for Callaghan. As far as Hiro's concerned, Callaghan wouldn't hesitate to let his brother die a second time if it came to that again.]

You're okay, right? He didn't hurt you or anything?

[anewangle]

[Tadashi's smile drains away until it's little more than a small upturn of one corner of his mouth, and he spreads his arms to each side for a moment as if presenting himself for inspection. Not a scratch on him.]

I'm fine. We just talked.

[Okay, maybe that's not completely true...]

... I may have punched him once.

[bigdamnhiro]

[That...okay, that one takes him a couple of seconds. Not just because he's still glancing Tadashi over to make absolutely sure he's fine, but because the idea of Tadashi punching anybody is about as believable as Baymax kicking puppies.]

You - what? [He stares at Tadashi for a really long, uncomfortable moment, and then he laughs.] You did not. You're pulling my leg.

...You punched him?

[anewangle]

[Laugh it up, Hiro, because Tadashi doesn't look all that amused with himself. Looking closer to shame, actually He scrubs a hand over his face, obviously reluctant to confirm what he's already said.]

... Yeah. I shouldn't have, though. I was angry. [Very angry, and understandably so, but that's no excuse for lashing out like he did.]

[bigdamnhiro]

[Hiro trails off laughing, watching his brother's face. He knows that feel, bro, but he hates to see you feeling it.]

...Everyone makes mistakes, right? You, of all people, shouldn't feel so bad over something like that.

[He purses his lips and ducks down so he can actually look Tadashi in the eye, placing a hand on the arms of the chair on either side of him.]

You're like, the nicest person I know. So you punched a guy. You also...you died trying to save his life. So.

[anewangle]

[Man, Tadashi's not used to being on the other end of this kind of conversation. He meets Hiro's eyes with zero hesitation, taking some comfort in hearing his own words reflected right back at him.]

You're right.

[Less comforting is hearing yet another outright confirmation of his own death. It's not as if Tadashi's in denial, far from it, but it's still jarring to hear it stated so plainly. He wills a smile back, though.]

I still feel bad.

[bigdamnhiro]

[Hiro puffs out his cheeks, frustrated. Bro, he loves you, but you really are way too nice for your own good.

He's already seen just how bad the consequences of that can get.]

But why? Why are you the one who has to feel bad? He doesn't! [He throws his hands up. He's trying his hardest to be better, to respect his brother's wishes, so he's not gonna try and kill the guy if he can help it, but that doesn't mean he likes Callaghan. Or that he can forgive him.] I bet you, if you got in his way, he wouldn't hesitate to let you die again. Or do it himself.

[Hiro's a little more selfish now where his brother's concerned. If he had a second chance, he knows this time he wouldn't let go of Tadashi's arm and let him run into another burning building.]

I don't...want anything to happen to you. Not again.

[anewangle]

[Oh... Tadashi fixes Hiro with a soft sort of look. That parental one that appears whenever he's getting ready to try and explain something delicate.]

I'm not saying that he shouldn't, but that doesn't change the fact that I did something I regret.

[Reaching out to snag one of Hiro's sleeves before he can make any more frustrated motions, following up by standing and pulling the boy into a gentle, but solid hug.]

He's not going to hurt me, Hiro. I'm not going anywhere.

[bigdamnhiro]

[Hiro starts to protest that Callaghan probably deserved it, but Tadashi doesn't give him the chance, tugging him forward by his sleeve and...oh.

He blinks a couple of times, not sure how to react. Tadashi's the one who's usually more openly affectionate and he's...not so much. There's a couple of stubborn seconds where he stands there stiffly, and then he huffs quietly and sags against Tadashi, resting his forehead against his chest.

He feels really small, like this.]

...Don't. Please. I can't deal with that again.

[anewangle]

[Tadashi sighs quietly, giving Hiro a reassuring squeeze and patting at that fluffy hair in what he hopes is a reassuring way. Hiro's always been a tough kid. Not always as tough as he tries to seem, though. He's still only fourteen, still so small in so many ways, and yet so grown up in others, and though he doesn't want to, Tadashi can't help but think about what things must've been like for his little brother. He can't even imagine how he would've coped had he been the one in Hiro's place. The thought of a life without Hiro in it... it's a nightmare.]

I never meant to leave in the first place. I'm sorry.

[bigdamnhiro]

[Sometimes, Hiro isn't all that tough at all. He tries to act like it; fighting off tears, biting back complaints, shrugging and acting like it's no big deal. Even now, there's hardly any evidence to suggest he might be in a more vulnerable state than he tries to pretend.

Just a soft exhale.

Just a slight tremble of narrow shoulders, as he reaches up to thread his fingers in Tadashi's shirt and tug childishly, looking up at him.]

Promise me you'll take better care of yourself this time? Don't do anything crazy. [A beat.] Be a little more selfish, with your own safety.

[anewangle]

[That's both a good and bad thing about having a brother like Tadashi. Hiro doesn't have to result to dramatics to draw attention to his distress, because Tadashi can see it from a mile away. He's always been able to. That little sigh and light tugging might as well be screams from the rooftops.]

Well I can't promise I won't do anything "crazy". [The implied finger quotes are fairly obvious, tone just a little bit teasing, but only for a moment. He doesn't want Hiro to think he's not taking him seriously.] But I'm not going to leave you alone again if I can help it.

You're stuck with me, buddy.

[bigdamnhiro]

[Hiro laughs softly, untangling his fingers from Tadashi's shirt and trying to act like it didn't happen at all. He backs up, giving his brother a little space, rubbing his arms awkwardly. But he smiles.]

I can deal with that. But I'm taking you to the vet to get microchipped, or something, so you can't wander off and get lost. [A beat.] Maybe you get some armor, too. Just in case.

[anewangle]

[Smooth, Hiro. Smooth.]

Pretty sure that of the two of us, you're the one more likely to wander off and get into trouble, bonehead. [Tadashi attempts an offended expression (not even a human doctor? Really?), but he fails pretty hard at hiding his smile as he drops back into his chair.]

Trying to make me into a super hero, too? Or maybe you just want see me embarrass myself by wearing tights in public...

[Shush, Tadashi, like the pants you normally wear aren't already hella tight.]

[bigdamnhiro]

Please, like you're not practically wearing tights in public already, Mr. Skinny Pants.

[He leans back against the bed, grinning a smug sort of grin, with just a warm undercurrent of gosh, I missed having stupid conversations like this. He doesn't feel as bad about falling asleep in his brother's bed as he might have.]

I mean...technically it's for protection, but if you really want tights, I could probably make arrangements...you want tights. Bulletproof tights? I could do that.

[anewangle]

Hey, there's nothing wrong with my pants.

[Pouting down at his own pants briefly, as if they've brought this sudden assault upon themselves. They're stylish, darn it... buuuut a smiling Hiro is what he wanted, so he lets that grievous insult go. For now.]

Oooh, no, I think I'll have to pass on tights, bulletproof or not.

[bigdamnhiro]

Fine.

[You wanted smiling Hiro? You got it. Be careful what you wish for, Tadashi.]

Then you can have a kaiju suit like Fred's, instead.

[anewangle]

[This is what he gets for trying to be a good big brother.

Holding up both hands as if trying to defend himself from the very idea.]

Nope way. I think I'm starting to regret beginning this conversation.

[bigdamnhiro]

Okay then. What would you wear, given the chance?

[He's still smiling, but one eyebrow shoots up, genuine curiosity taking over.]

Because I'm serious. About the armor. Just in case you needed it, you know.

[anewangle]

I've never really thought about it. Didn't think you'd want your nerdy big brother cramping your superhero style.

[Hmm. Tadashi's expression goes thoughtful for a bit. He's not really sure about the direction this discussion is going, but since he's thinking about it...]

Your armor is pretty cool. I don't know about the Hulk gloves, though.

[bigdamnhiro]

Those Hulk gloves keep me from falling off Baymax at supersonic speeds, for your information. They're important.

[He folds his hands in his lap, all business. With a side dash of revenge.]

But I understand. I guess you'd rather have something more delicate and form-fitting. Like those pants you're wearing.

[anewangle]

For you, maybe, but I don't think I'm going to be taking him for a spin any time soon.

[Ah, crap, Tadashi knows that look.]

My pants are not that tight. Or delicate.

[bigdamnhiro]

Yeah, sure. Good luck trying to pull off any stunts in those. You'll wish you were wearing spandex.

[anewangle]

Who said anything about pulling stunts?

[Does Tadashi look like a stunt-puller to you, bro? Aside from the occasional scooter jump and that running-into-burning-buildings trick he does.]