There's a point we pass from which we can't return [O P E N]

[bigdamnhiro]

[Sick days are the worst.

Most kids his age would be happy to have a few days out of school, but most kids his age don't have a high school diploma. Most kids his age aren't trying to get a bachelor's in robotics from the toughest tech school in town. Most kids his age aren't thinking, when they get sick, oh god but I have so many projects to work on.

Hiro tries not to think about it. All the snot, the fevers, the chills and the foul mood he's been in since taking a cold swim in the bay are making him miserable enough without thinking about all the notes and classwork he's going to need to catch up on. And every time he rolls over, there's Callaghan's rumpled trenchcoat hanging on the back of his desk chair, which just makes him want to burrow under the covers and be moody for a while.

Moody and sick, great combo. He snuffles and avoids talking; he shrugs off Baymax's attempts to assess his condition. He has nightmares, from which he wakes up sweating and terrified, and maybe he really regrets a couple of things he did regarding a certain masked man, but he can't take those back now.

He'll figure out what to do about it when his head's not stuffy and swimming.]

Comments

[bahalalala]

[Baymax doesn't mind waiting while Hiro gathers his thoughts, he's a very patient robot.

He appreciates Hiro's apology and it's a good sign, his patient is making excellent progress.

Baymax gives him a small nod.]

Mistakes and accidents cause many injuries each year. Mistakes are a part of life.

[It's his way of saying that Hiro's apology is accepted and everything's fine between them. Even without the apology, things would still be good, he understands that Hiro had been going through a lot at the time, he had the scan data to prove it.

They've been through so much together in a short amount of time, Baymax trusts Hiro and so far, his trust hasn't been misplaced.

He nods again.]

I will not tell Tasashi.

[There didn't seem to be a reason for him to report his brother's words to Tadashi, so it's an easy promise to make.]

[bigdamnhiro]

Good, 'cuz he's already mad.

[That Hiro trusts Baymax, in turn, goes unsaid. It's obvious though that at some point, he'd stopped treating Baymax so much like a robot and more like a friend. It'd been Baymax who finally drew him back to reality after Tadashi died, and Baymax who kept him anchored there, even after everything. To say he's emotionally attached to his brother's nurse bot is an understatement.

In some ways, Baymax is easier to talk to than most people Hiro knows. The nurse bot is completely unflappable and doesn't judge anything but health conditions.

Hiro flops down on his pillow and curls up, quiet for a time, just watching Baymax. He swallows a lump in his throat before he speaks.]

I...dreamed that Callaghan was dead. That I - you - he died, out there on that island.

[bahalalala]

[While Baymax cares about and wishes to help everyone, Hiro has a special place in his programming. He's learned quite a few things about the world from his friend.

He's not too interesting to watch, the only different thing that he does is occasionally blink.

When Hiro opens up about his dream, he's quiet for a moment as he checks his databases for a proper response. It sounds like an unpleasant nightmare, though he doesn't pick up on the implications of Hiro briefly using the word "you".]

How did Callaghan being dead make you feel?

[Baymax knew that at one point, he wanted Callaghan dead. Thankfully, things had changed and the older man was arrested instead. He's curious as to what Hiro thinks about it now.]

[bigdamnhiro]

[Again, Hiro's quiet for a while, mulling it over. He opens his mouth as if to say something, but then shuts it again. That's a tough question to answer.

Finally he shrugs.]

I dunno. [Well, that's not completely true. If he had to give a general answer -] It was bad. I wasn't happy about it, I know that much, I just...the feelings were messy. Does that make sense?

[bahalalala]

[Baymax gives Hiro as much time as he needs to think over his answer, quietly waiting and blinking for his friend to sort out his thoughts.

He's glad that Hiro wasn't happy about Callaghan's death, if he was, then they would've had a lot to talk about.]

Death is not usually a happy topic.

[That was an understatement, he knows how badly Hiro had been affected by death.

Baymax tilts his head.]

Messy? How so?

[From a completely medical standpoint, all feelings were messy, a mix of chemicals being produced by the human body. However, Hiro's using the term in a way he's not familiar with.]

[bigdamnhiro]

[Hiro rubs the back of his neck; he forgets sometimes that Baymax, even with a huge vocabulary on file, is missing certain idioms and colloquial phrases, and he's not really sure how to explain this one when he doesn't understand it himself.]

Messy. Like...confused. [Hiro props his pillow up so he can sit up a little while he explains this.] It's like if you scanned so much data at once, you couldn't process it all right away, and if it was too much you might not be able to process it at all and you'd have to reboot. Like that, except with too many feelings at once, so I couldn't figure out what I felt like. Except that they were all bad feelings.

[He gives a half-hearted laugh.]

Chalk one up for puberty, I guess.

[bahalalala]

[Baymax listens in his characteristic silence. Hiro's done a decent job explaining the situation.]

Puberty can be a source of some of the...messy feelings. [He tries out his new term and keeps on going.] It is also normal to have bad feelings when someone dies.

[As far as Baymax saw it, nobody deserved to die, even if they had done bad things. Death was something that did come eventually, but he's programmed to keep it at bay as long as possible.]

[bigdamnhiro]

But what if it's somebody you hate?

[Sure, it's normal to feel bad when someone dies. But Hiro picks apart the logic and find it doesn't quite fit; he was upset when Tadashi died, but Tadashi's family and of course Hiro would care about that. Callaghan was responsible for Tadashi's death; they aren't friends, and Hiro isn't certain he'd ever grieve the same way over Callaghan as he did Tadashi.]

Or, well - somebody you don't like. You have mixed feelings on them. Maybe you were a little responsible for them dying. Is it normal to feel bad about it then?

[bahalalala]

I am a robot, I cannot hate or dislike anyone.

[He can't exactly see where Hiro's coming from, but he's trying to. Human feelings were complicated and he only has hard data on them, instead of experience feeling them.]

Yes. It is normal to feel bad about the death of someone, even if you did not know them well. If you are responsible for them dying, guilt is a natural response.

[bigdamnhiro]

Robot. Right...

[If anybody could hear him asking for emotional advice from a robot, they'd probably think he was crazy. Hiro thinks he's a little crazy, himself. But then, all the emotion-feeling human people he could talk to are all mad at him. Aunt Cass? Yup. Tadashi? Double yup. And Mochi is a cat.

Yeah, Baymax is probably his best bet right now.]

So you're saying this is guilt. Awesome. So even I'm mad at me.

[bahalalala]

[Even if it might sound a little odd, Baymax is built for this sort of thing. He's designed to do whatever his patients need in order to feel better. The database on mental healthcare might've come later, but it's just as important as physical healthcare.]

Guilt is a common feeling when someone believes that they have done something wrong. Completely lacking the ability to feel guilt is an indication of a personality disorder.

[bigdamnhiro]

[Maybe Baymax didn't intend that to be funny, but Hiro laughs anyway, the corners of his mouth quirking into a grin. God. Everything is ten times funnier when you're sick and feeling messed up, huh?]

So I'm not a sociopath. Good to know. Anything else important you wanna tell me on that subject?

[bahalalala]

[Baymax doesn't understand why Hiro is laughing, but he's glad that his friend is feeling well enough to laugh.]

While feeling some guilt is normal for all human beings, the feeling of guilt can contribute to other disorders, such as anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

[bigdamnhiro]

[...Alright, now they're getting uncomfortable. Hiro wouldn't say he's that bad, but he's ordinarily high-strung at best and with how much he's been thinking about this, sure, maybe it's not healthy. But he doesn't want to delve into that with anybody else just yet - not even Baymax.

Hiro tugs the covers over his head and buries himself in his pillow.]

I - think that's enough armchair therapy for one evening, big guy. I'll be okay.

[There's a moment of quiet, and then Hiro pokes his head back out, sneaking a soft smile at Baymax.]

...I am satisfied with my care.

[bahalalala]

[Thanks to his scanning system, Baymax knows that something is up with Hiro, based on the fluctuations he's picking up. However, he's also aware that pushing the issue, especially when a patient is unwell, isn't going to help matters. The more time he spends around Hiro, the more tuned to the boy his systems get, he's learning more of what works best for his patient.

When his shut down command is given, he nods politely, then toddles off to his charger, deflating and compressing down, with the base shutting over him until he's next needed.]