and i'm feeling like a ghost (openish?)

[pushtheboundaries]

An overcast sunset. Perhaps not the best time to visit San Fransokyo's burial grounds, but it was a time when there were few if any visitors. Which meant it was at least a good time for someone still dead in a sense, even if his original 'death' had been revealed for the falsehood it was.

They hadn't yet removed his memorial, though. It was starting to run down from time, but it was fitting that it still remained in place.

He certainly didn't feel alive.

Robert Callaghan gazed down at the plaque with an unhappy expression. It wasn't so much the fact that it was present as how useless it all felt. Pointless. Abigail's, at least, had held some actual meaning...even if it, too, paid homage to a soul who wasn't actually lost.

And wasn't that a thought that brought mixed feelings. He shook his head and turned away, the few microbots with him pressing a bit deeper in to the back of his neck. He reached up to push away at them irritably, wholly unsurprising when their response was to skitter on to his hand and up his loose sleeve.

He was getting used to them, at least, and the thought necessary to keep the mass away.

Comments

[pushtheboundaries]

The lesson didn't have any stipulations for good reason; because it wasn't supposed to be confined. It was supposed to be a life lesson, to push them forwards long past they had left the classroom, and when they were going on to shape the world. To challenge the rules and expectations they had been told, and to break them if necessary.

Much like Robert himself has, of late, but in doing so he has wondered how far is too far.

He furrows his brow, not quite shaking his head, but- words are hard to find at the moment. Even so, he has to say something, and it's with a vague little gesture if his hand by his head that he manages, "Tadashi..."

It's a start.

"...I am not a good father figure to have." And just in case there's an argument, he pushes further, words almost stumbling over one another in their haste to escape. "Especially in light of the fire, and everything else I've done-!"

He's not admitting he was wrong. Not yet. But he is admitting that these are not actions which should be idolized.

[anewangle]

Tadashi shakes his head, but doesn't look away, waiting for a break in that rushed response to insert his own.

"Maybe not now. But you were."

Like Robert, his words come faster as he continues to talk, as if he's afraid of being cut off before he's managed to voice his thoughts. There are things that need to be said, that Robert needs to hear, and currently no one else with a better chance of making that happen.

No more slips. Just let it flow.

"Things are the way they are as a consequence of decisions you've made. That we've all made, but decisions... they're in the moment. You make them and you have to live with them, but every day brings new ones."

His lips draw into a thin line, pausing only a moment as he shakes his head again. In response to Callaghan? Or to himself? In the end it doesn't really seem to matter.

"I don't regret my decision."

[pushtheboundaries]

This is all too reminiscent of when they were on the rooftops, when he was leading Tadashi back towards safety. This time, though, he can't just push Tadashi down- away, even, and the lack of escape is somewhat agitating all on its own.

He's dealt with this enough in the quiet of an empty room, why does it need to be brought up again? Moreover-

"...you don't understand. I can't tell if I do or don't my own-!"

There's a pain in his voice, the agony of someone faced with what should be a simple and easy decision. Logically, he knows what he's done; he's broken laws, he's taken steps to hurt people, he's taken steps to kill people and in one case succeeded, though it wasn't the one he was after. All of these, logically, should be horrific to him, and perhaps on some level they are- they go against what he's grown with, what he's learned over time, all these rules and boundaries that society sets in place for the greater good.

Emotionally? Krei never stopped cutting corners. There would have been more Abigails, more lost daughters and sons and children, but closer to home was his Abigail gone from his mistakes. A wrong demanded to be righted, damn the consequences, and he gave in to that and pushed against those boundaries as he gave in to his desire for vengeance and the need to fix this the only way he, as a man, as a father, could.

And then it was over. Abigail was back, but he'd lost a student, and everything he'd worked so hard for over the years. He was facing years in prison, the distress of what family he'd regained, and then-

-then an opening, and he couldn't help but take it because it felt as though he was drowning and it was the only lifeline he could see. He may barely be able to keep his head above the water, even now, but to do anything else is to let go of that rope and risk never coming back up at all.

[anewangle]

"I do understand."

Tadashi chances a few steps forward, carefully closing the distance between them. Cutting off any escape he might find. He won't be able to push Tadashi away this time. If Robert wants out, he's going to have to be the one to turn away and keep walking without looking back.

Turn away from the one person who should hate him the most, but somehow, miraculously, does not.

"You got your daughter back. If you hadn't done what you did, she'd still be gone, but you lost everything else"

A distinguished career, the respect of his peers, the trust of his students, and what about Abigail? Had he even gotten the chance to speak with her again? Explain himself? Apologize?

"You can be glad for what you have and still regret what's lost."

[pushtheboundaries]

It's not hard to see that he does want out; there are numerous tells in his posture, and the way a foot shifts away certainly speaks of following it and leaving. But...he doesn't. Perhaps some small part of him is desperate for this trace of respect he still has left, buried under all his misdeeds, and unwilling to cut that off in whole when it's so blatant in front of him.

He reaches up with a hand, rubbing- covering his face, veiling the pained twisting of his expression.

"I don't...have...anything."

[anewangle]

Tadashi reaches out and lays a hand on Robert's wrist, tugging gently to try and pull that hand away from his face while tilting his own head to try and meet the older man's eyes.

Even without the mask Robert's still trying to hide, but Tadashi's smiling, cautiously hopeful.

"However much it might mean, I'm still here."

[pushtheboundaries]

It's hard to see his eyes, downcast as they are, but they do look upwards- slightly. And there's a short little hnh to go with the motion, but there's only the slightest of resistance to go with Tadashi's gentle tug.

Robert's not smiling. He looks tired. And he doesn't say anything for a few moments, because short of reiterating how confused he is as to why Tadashi's still here - what is there to say?

"...it wasn't supposed to be like this."

Other than a murmur that sounds childish even to his own ears.

[anewangle]

It pulls at something inside to see his former professor like this, but it fuels his hope as well. Even if Callaghan won't voice it, Tadashi can see the regret. Hear it. It's practically rolling off off of the older man.

Remember that hug Tadashi tried for the night Callaghan saved him? Well he's trying for it again, and this time without microbots holding his feet in place.

"I know."

No one could've known how things would end up.

keywords, and throws the song on youtube for the heck of it

[pushtheboundaries]

Oh, there's certainly a regret there. And a distress for what things have become. He meant what he said, when he wasn't altogether sure he regretted it all, but parts of it? Parts he knows went wrong, there's not even a question to it.

And though he stiffens at first, he doesn't pull away. Though his free hand comes up to Tadashi's shoulder...it doesn't push him away, either, though there is the pressure of his weight as he leans upon it for a few moments and allows himself to wallow in this grief.

He doesn't know what to do. Everything seemed so deceptively simple, at the trade show, and yet it all went to hell and back.

[anewangle]

If Robert's not going to push him away, then Tadashi's just going to tighten his hold. Not too much. Not enough to make the other man feel trapped, but enough to make it clear that this isn't a token gesture.

Tadashi still a young man, but he's spent the majority of his short life teaching himself how to care for people. He's practically stuffed his head with a whole extra profession and channeled that knowledge into a robot meant to revolutionize healthcare and better mankind. He could code 10,000 different medical procedures in 10,000 different ways, but sometimes? The simplest ways are best.

This isn't happening because they're out of words for the situation, but because the most important thing for Robert to know right now is that he doesn't have to be alone. The situation is complicated, maybe almost impossible to deal with, but he still has a lifeline left should he choose to reach for it.

Tadashi's voice is quiet when he finally speaks again, as if he's afraid that too loud a sound will destroy this strange progress that they've made.

"I can't tell you what to do, but I want to help."

[pushtheboundaries]

At least Tadashi has some concept of what's going on. Robert still doesn't, other, than, well, the obvious. He's in a graveyard, talking with a former student, both their 'graves' within eyeshot.

Maybe some part of him is actually in his.

His silence stretches on, dull eyes staring at Tadashi for another set of moments before they close. And this time, when he reaches for them, it's just to wipe away some of the moisture that's collected there and give him a moment to collect himself as he speaks, voice only hitching a bit-

"All right."

He feels as though he should set some boundaries on that, but he can't quite bring himself to say anything more, yet. It already feels as though he's lost some great battle, just allowing any of this, but how can he have fought it in the first place when he's already leaning so heavily on someone who has every right to let him fall?

"If it helps-" he adds, a sad little humor in his voice, "I can't tell you what I'm doing, either." Not from hiding it- but from not even really understanding it, himself.

...to be fair, there is a little of the former, but it's mostly the latter.

[anewangle]

It's so strange to be in this position, and yet at the same time... it isn't. Being the one to provide comfort and guidance, that's not so strange (not with Tadashi being who he is), but to have the roles of teacher and student flipped like this? Definitely weird, but not bad.

Most people (including Robert) would say that this particular young man doesn't owe Callaghan anything, and maybe he doesn't, but Tadashi can't just use the fire and the mess that followed after as his only measuring stick. Callaghan's done more for his students than he knows (more than he probably even wants to hear), so even if all Tadashi can do is be there? If he can, he's going to do it.

"We're pretty smart guys. I think we can figure it out eventually."

i feel bad mixing yokai icons when he's not in the getup but man there is a distinct lack of choice

[pushtheboundaries]

To that...to that comes a small 'hnh' sound that sounds anything but amused. Acknowledging, maybe, but it seems pretty clear that Robert finds something off with that statement.

But he does begin to straighten, pulling away. Not stepping back, just...collecting himself. Anyone watching might think they're a pair of bereaved, perhaps mourning a loss, and that he was just lingering upon it to the point of needing that support.

He hopes.

"I hope you come up with new ideas faster than I," he mumbles, still avoiding Tadashi's gaze. "All of mine seem to involve digging down to bedrock."

After all, once he hits solid ground, the only way he can go is up. Right?

eventually the movie will be released and there will be icons EVERYWHEEERE

[anewangle]

Robert's already low enough, Tadashi's not going to take a cheap shot at his intelligence (no matter how accurate or deserved it might be). He's just not that kind of guy.

The idea that anyone could come across them at any time, including people who might recognize the older man for the wanted felon he actually is, never crosses Tadashi's mind, but he lets Robert have the space he needs to pull himself back together.

"We can work on it. Sometimes all a problem needs is a fresh perspective."

And you don't actually have to hit rock bottom before changing direction.

do want

[pushtheboundaries]

Easy for someone who isn't a wanted felon to say. Your options are severely limited when you can't even have something as simple as legal ID. Illegal ones- good ones- are also somewhat difficult to obtain, and without funds, involve favors.

"One of your 'new angles'?" he can't help but drawl, finally lowering that hand. "I'd love to see if you've something I haven't yet considered, most of which we've already gone over."

Go to jail, go on the run, or...deal with things, locally.

i hear dvd release is supposed to be february-ish

[anewangle]

As unappealing as it must be for the older man, Tadashi's of the opinion that Robert turning himself in is the best option. Assuming good behavior, he could serve his necessary jail time and still have life left to live when he got out. With his only actual "victim" alive and well for the courts to see, a talented lawyer might even be able to get his sentence reduced.

But that's obviously not acceptable for Callaghan.

"Yes, one of those." Tadashi manages a small laugh, more lively this time around. "Not just yet, but you know I don't give up easily."

i saw that too, i might end up pre-ordering if there's any decent offerings w/ it

[pushtheboundaries]

Tadashi is young, optimistic, and clearly unaware of the nuances of the legal system. Robert Callaghan is considered a pioneer in robotics; the court room might have given him a headache the moment people started blathering back and forth.

(And yet he plead 'guilty' to all charges, including manslaughter. That, at least, they were able to manage, with only attempted murder in the case of Krei. Much of the fight to argue any of that had left him with what little glimpses of his daughter that he was able to have before being carted off.)

"Fine. Get back to me when you do, and I'll listen." He...can't right promise he'll take the angle, but he can at least promise that he'll hear what Tadashi has to say, assuming he can come up with anything.

*_*

[anewangle]

To be fair, that one night in lockup with Hiro is pretty much the extent of Tadashi's dealings with the law. He's a good kid with his interests focused on robotics with regular wavers toward healthcare. The legal system is not his forte.

It's something he should probably consider putting a little research into, though. More than a little, but for now he'll smile, just glad for the chance.

At least until he realizes something kind of important.

"... I don't have a way to contact you."

baymax-shaped dvd case yespls

[pushtheboundaries]

...right. He doesn't. Robert has learned quickly - by necessity - the art of remaining untraced, and he has some rather skilled 'tutors' in it. Tutors who would, no doubt, be rather unhappy with what he's mulling over, furrowed brow and all.

Well, if he's going to use it...

"Cell phone," he finally says, reaching in to his jacket. "I have a 'burner', and while I can't say it's the most secure method, it's the only one I have right now."

Short of email, but there isn't exactly a yokai at underworld dot net address.

(Funny thing is, he wouldn't be surprised if that domain existed.)

we can hope

[anewangle]

Tadashi looks a bit surprised before he reaches into his pocket to pull out his own phone. He'd been expecting something that'd give Callaghan a bit more distance to work with. Maybe something closer to "I'll contact you" or something equally evasive and mysterious.

(After all the press he got and the nickname the papers gave him? Of course there's a yokai at underworld dot net address.)

"I'll be careful."

[pushtheboundaries]

He did bring up that Tadashi should contact him when he had an idea. And it's relatively easy to change phones; they're called 'burners' for a reason. He has no plans to use this one for overly long; it's already his second, and so long as he wipes the information thoroughly, there shouldn't be much of an issue of things being...complicated.

And he did mention it's not secure.

He does have to glance down through the settings to remember the numbers, though, which he rattles off quickly enough before adding, "that may change. But I'll see what I can do to update you if it does."

A pause.

"I won't always be able to respond. You...understand this."

Possibly he doesn't, but if they're going to have this...arrangement...then this is the time to set the ground rules.

[anewangle]

He punches in the number, pondering for a moment saving it under 'Mechanic'. It's rare that his phone is ever out of his possession, but should anyone happen to pick it up and scroll through the contacts? Hopefully they'd pass right by it without too much thought.

Tadashi nods and tucks his phone away again.

"I understand." Or so he tells himself, anyway. He doesn't like it, but Callaghan's moving in dangerous circles now.

[pushtheboundaries]

"Tadashi."

He pauses, to make sure he has the boy's attention, then continues.

"I'm serious. Don't contact me unless you have something I can use, or if it's important."

He's- not sure if this is the right decision. There are many parts of him insisting it is a very bad decision, giving himself an opening like this, but-

If nothing else, maybe it'll stop Tadashi from trying to find him downtown, again. He clearly hasn't given up, and short of Yokai making another outright assault on his friends, there many not be many things that could force him to do so.

[anewangle]

He nods again, all his attention focused on the older man. Tactically, this is an incredibly bad decision and Tadashi knows it, but he's not going to give Callaghan any more reasons to rethink his choice.

"I understand, Professor. Really."

He sounds sincere enough and, as an afterthought, he pulls his phone back out, tapping the screen maybe half a dozen times before quickly pocketing it again. Callaghan's phone should be going off shortly. A number with a nearly empty message attached. Just a few periods to fulfill the content requirements.

"In case you need something."

one day callaghan renames tadashi's entry as 'rubber duckie'

[pushtheboundaries]

He's not so sure Tadashi does. He hopes he does, but there's doubt there, along with a multitude of other mixed feelings. Some Callaghan is aware he's displaying, others, like the trace of strained guilt...

And then a bit of surprise, not so much from his phone going off...as Tadashi's comment on it. A bit taken aback, a bit uncertain- and then clouded, as the proverbial mask returns with an exhale of breath.

If it'll make Tadashi feel better- fine. And he'll at least be able to identify who it's coming from.

"All right."

Not that he expects he'll be the one to send the first message often, if at all.